THE GUY IN THE PURPLE HOODY
It was dark, and all you could hear were the quick footsteps of someone running- their steps harmonised by the slower beat of six men marching after him. And he was freaking out. He had a gun with only one bullet whereas they had machine guns each with unlimited bullets. The man kept running faster and faster the adrenaline forcing him on but no matter which alleyway he ran down, no matter which street he sprinted down, no matter which river he crossed he could not escape the slow marching beat of the six men behind him. Their beating steps seemed to count down the amount of beats in his heart he had left. He couldn’t escape them even when he eventually stole a car and drove up the A2 he could still hear them close behind him. When he checked his rear view mirror he saw their shadowy shapes close behind. Exasperated he gave up slammed down hard on the breaks and met his fate. Sweat dipping off his eyelids he raised the gun his arm shaking like a leaf in a hurricane. The six men reached 10m away from him and stopped raised their machine guns and held them up to the man. He swallowed as their faces unveiled a mask of pure wickedness in the form of a smile. The man shivered but he wasn’t cold. He could just imagine what those bullets would do to his body, how each one would tear through the flesh on his skin would mutilate him till he was unrecognisable. He cocked his gun and they got their target ready. With a prayer on his lips he shot himself through the mouth.
He wasn’t sure how long he was unconscious but he did know he was dead- mostly from the fact that he remembered shooting himself…he stood up and observed his surroundings, to be pleasantly surprised. This place was like heaven, he could even hear in the very far distance, the sound of delightful melodic peaceful hums of what he presumed were…pigeons. Around him was rolling of green pastures- a sheep or two frolicking on the hills. The sky was such a clear blue, that he was sure that if he tried he would just be able to make out the distant twinkling stars. His bad though, as by nature he was not a man who put in much effort and he missed something which was beautiful would have been life affirming. In fact the most effort he had ever put into anything was running for his life and even then he gave up and shot himself!!
He sat back down and thought to himself ‘I must have done something really (I mean really!!) good in my life for me to get this gig!’ Suddenly a man appeared in front of him, he was wearing a purple hoody which covered his eyes and dark skinny jeans.
“Hello, are you Samuel O’Reilly Johnstone Nickels Jr. the second. “ He said.
“Call me Sam” he replied- and thus we have Sam.
“Well hi Sam. Welcome- as part of company policy I am obliged to ask you if there is anything you want.”
“What anything??” Sam asked
“Yes. Anything!” the guy in the Purple hoody answered in a mystical tone.
“What anything?? Like anything??”
“Yes. Anything!” the guy in the Purple hoody answered
“What like anything, ANYTHING I can think of?”
“What are you deaf!!?.....I mean yes anything.”
“Okay” Sam said, “I want food.
And suddenly there was food. There was so much food that it was impossible to believe that food could have never not been before. And Sam ate, and he ate and he ate until he was fully satisfied and more. And then suddenly the guy with the Purple Hoody returned.
“Is anything else you want Sam?”
“What anything??” Sam asked
“Yes. Anything!” the guy in the Purple hoody answered in a mystical tone.
“What anything?? Like anything??” Sam ducked his head just in time as a dictionary was flung at his way.
“Yes. Anything! That’s a dictionary! Look it up!! Jeez!” the guy in the Purple hoody snapped irritated.
“Okay” Sam said, “I want women. I want every woman here that ever rejected me!!”
“Oh what you want your mum here!!?” The guy in the Purple hoodies laughter didn’t fizzle out until he saw Sam expression which read: ‘Not cool man! Not cool!!’
And suddenly there were women. There was so many women that it was impossible to believe that women could have never not been before. And Sam had his way, he had his way with all those women (making a mental note that his mum wasn’t there!!) until he was fully satisfied and more and slightly bored. And then suddenly the guy with the Purple Hoody returned.
“I want money!” Sam demanded
“Hey!! I didn’t even ask you yet!”
“Sorry….” Sam said impatiently.
“Is anything else you want Sam?”
“I want money not just any kind of money I want gambling money! I want to gamble and I want to win! Every. Time!”
And suddenly there were Casinos. There was so many casinos that it was impossible to believe that casinos could have never not been before. And Sam gambled and Sam won, he gambled and won and he gambled and won, until he was fully satisfied and more and extremely bored.
In fact Sam was so bored that he started to cry and eventually he got so bored that his tears had even ditched him and he couldn’t even cry about being so bored anymore! And then suddenly the guy with the Purple Hoody returned.
Sam threw himself at the Purple hooded guys’ feet and begged him. he begged so much that that it was impossible to believe that begging could have never not been before. “Please!” he pleaded “please I want to leave this place take me to the other place! Take me to the other place! I want to go to the other place.”
The Purple hooded guy smiled a wicked smile “you’re already here!” Sam screamed (slow motion style and therefore very dramatically) but his cries were drowned out by the malicious laughter of the guy in the Purple hoody.
THE END